he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Drake has all the answers
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
