I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
im on a boat
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