He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
