hotel room ftw
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
