are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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