if you like me you must not know who I am
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I want her autograph on my taint
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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