i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Randomize
