Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
