I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
