I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
