Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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