Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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