We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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