did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
