What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
MIDGETS
????
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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