you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
