Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
