I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
