Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm both gender and math confused
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize