Someone shit on the floor
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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