you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize