I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
