a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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