I met the friendliest cop last night
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
