and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
