also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
