and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
