so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
