I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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