you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize