im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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