kristin has been a bad kristin
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
