just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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