im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
