Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
