she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize