I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just pee around me
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
