you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
