all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
