I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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