he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
