I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
