Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize