this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
