i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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