got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
