so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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