I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
