I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
