Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
