you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
