I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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