You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
