you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize