apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
