A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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