thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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