I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize