Who wears a wallet chain?!
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
