I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
