so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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