It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
