I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
