"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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