respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
