is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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