please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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