Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You are the jesus of drinking
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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