ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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