If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
