You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
