i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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