At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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