Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I party with great urgency now.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
