I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
