I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
