hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
