Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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