Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
