Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
