we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
