I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
