david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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