I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
