Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
