I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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