so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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