He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Operation Purity has been aborted
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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